281109

(261109),
well, everyone given drawer in our working place. n since i just replaced someone, i have to be alone in the cage during weekdays, n was very free for whole night...few customers n i can even observed how much the person earned of their food right in front of me...accidentally saw a button right beside my drawer..due to the level of my kaypo-ness...i pressed it lo...gosh..my drawer was being locked! jiak lart...wat to do then, gonna wait for 'higher administration level's staff' passed by so tat i can ask for help...my phone, all few hundred bucks n some paper was trapped...bout 10 mins after, my tauke kia walked by....followed by my shout...hoho...so embarrassed la duh..gonna dig a whole n put my head in...luckily not much customer on the day n the time...abo...si kiao kiao...

(271109)
a date i wait for nearly a year, more than that mayb, hmm...dunno wat to say, but dun hungry for any that not belongs to u...don't waste anytime in waiting..dun act silly anymore!..but then..aih..learning la...n thanks for the glasses, of the function i found today..
n working hour, teruk la....migraine...summore haji...duh...many people la...selling non-stop since i open the little door of the cage...n hate those want only a token by handed me 50...=.=...insincere thanked them!

4th working day

hmm...the reason i dropped by here just to mention what 1 met when working..

1st, i met parents with a child..the parents are having difficulty in hearing n speaking as well..the mother handed me rm 50,n i asked 'all?' which means is it changed rm50 into tokens...n the woman showed me some sign, tried to tell me she can't heard..well..i forgotten wat i did..just remember that i was trying hard to ask her how many tokens she wants...n here came her husband...this time, he drew a '1' n '0' to me...then i was like...'o...'...but hor...each token cost rm2..so...he wants 10 ringgit tokens or 10 tokens which cost rm20?n then i showed them with rm20...they made some sound...quite frighten because of that..they wanna tell me that it's expensive i guess...they moved at last..without any tokens..arghhhhh...i should learn deaf language before this, but seems helpless too...coz i found that they dun learned tat, from the way the interact..
after a while they came back..hmm...again...the wife drew another '1' n '0' to me...then i took a token n another 2 pieces or rm1 in another hand..the wife understood finally..n she pointed to the token n opened both palms..10 tokens rupanya,...haha...n she left me a smile before she leaves...n the cute daughter...blissful family...

another 1 is i wonder how some people they willing to pay quite amount of money in playing on those which has no returns...i had three persons today exchange 200 ringgit tokens with me..before the trade...i even reminded them that the tokens are not refundable...but they were like tak ada apa...aih...i rather use that money on food la...ehez...wat to do la...i'm so tarm jiak...

n....i finished few sudoku games by just now..hoho...started working at 7, n i still remember my 1st customer was at 735..enjoyed working alone inside the cage!!!wooohhhoohohohoho

alive~~

hmm...i am supposed to post this yesterday night...but the line was soooo unstable..n totally can't connect at the end..duh...dunno wat the programmer did to my pc...n guess wat he did...deleted those pop-up chat boxes...gosh...well, forget bout tat...let's back to yesterday morning....rewinding...

i had appointment with my fren n promised to help her yesterday morning, n i was supposed to wake up at 0730 so tat i can reached there bout 9..but..can't slept well all night long...n finally woke up at 5..feeling something wrong with my head..tot was just normal headache...but...it was migraine...gosh...need to ffk again....aih...really sorry dude..
n got well after mdm Ooi's massages n tablets of pain killer...slept til 3 stg..without waken up from mdm Ooi, i left the little girl waiting for me at living room..as she wanted me to give her so guidance on math...arrrrr...paiseh ler...sorry to another person..

get back my pc last night...wohoo....bye bye safe mode..n the most important is...it's with sound!!!no longer dummy pc....wakaka...can't stop listening to music.....'replay' especially....wooo...nice 1....

door hacker...

went for my niece's birthday party...as u know...niece..little 1...their party...n me...go...sure feel bored la...

imagine..with so many little things around u...the party started at 330..was thinking to moved out at 4 with my niece(Emme)..haha..but i got myself locked inside my house...

well..i left my house key inside my car...when i was homed morning after my niece's consultation..i managed to go home by my sis-in-law's key..but then she went out at 3 i think...until i was thinking to move...oh my..i got no keys la duh...what to do then..used some stringlike pieces to korek...aih...still can't help...gai la..that time already 435 la...can't disappointed my Emme la..so..used the screw driver to un-screwed the lock la..ish..n continued with korekan again..finally...escaped..

aha..it's already 5 when i reached there....lol...they were playing games when i reached..n so...Emme join them...kiddy game..called as music chair if not mistaken...need to get ur butt on the chair whenever the music stopped...but Emme lost after few round...aih...mou ngan tai la..as i said to her...so big trunk also lost ah...haha...n the birthday girl won the game...

ehem...crowded party..n happy birthday wen wen.....

sentimentality

what will u do if when u're with few people in conversation n u can heard wat they said?probably 'hah?' n ask the person to repeat right?of coz this' the 1 to frens n in informal way la...
wat if the person purposely talked something in front of u with a hand covered on his mouth to another persons n with eyes looked at u?
since so..i will definitely walked away as tat's the courtesy to give people spaces to chat...
people...if there are any confidential...chat behind la then...who care??
n people..my anger will only arise from others attitude but not words...

dArknEss

9 something just now...the area here covered with darkness, absence of light--no electricity..for more than half an hour i think..until now 1018..gosh..i was trying to leave a comment to my fren just now n suddenly it's like making sound 'pop'..i tot something happened on my pc...but luckily not...
i looked outside from my window...few buildings here are same...i was thinking...duh..since the building surrounding mine also without 'ray'..should b not taking long to fix it la...

wat i did without the net...played games..guitar..chit-chatted...tat's all...n yet..i warmed the soup on the stove...yea...i hav something to share with u guys...the pic taken just now...ohoho..ntg special la actually...just the brightness or fire i found in the dark...ta-daa....

Aha!!!made me think of something..while i was in the camp for NS...i guess u'll never have the chance to c the stars in the dark as we're staying in city..well, i'm trying to say even the rural 1...There is a night when i was walking back to the dorm..thinking where were the brightness come from as the long path got no light(even with the lamp post)...something amazed me while i looked up...wow....try imagine as u can touch the stars....that's wat i saw....wuhoo...that's the once...perhaps there r still chances...


looking forward for a chance at beach...laying there...with stars in front of u...n the sounds of wave..the sounds of silence..peaceful night....n peaceful mind...
~end~

AunTie JaNie

Aih...after finished my LSP class...i terus walked to my car n get the accounting n finance referrence book..then, of coz pi DK la...while waiting for the lecturer...we craps alot...'later i wanna complained bout this ah..that ah..this ah..that ah..' n bla bla bla..n we wait for bout 20 minutes...less than 30 minutes la i think...well...that time...many already left the hall... since i'll have my group discussion for microeconomics at 5pm..so continued waiting la...wat to do huh?...

so i opened up the book..after reading fill lines of words, a janitor walked in to clean the floor(of coz la...abo zo hamik??) ..mayb she dun hav to do this if we were having class...sweeping n mopping..
i was with my headphone on my ears...n the janitor talked to us(left my fren n i)..of coz,i can't heard her as i already used to the bassy music n without bothering stuff surrounded me...felt that stg wrong as my fren looked at me...took out the things from my ears immediately..n the janitor asked again, 'will u all have class until 6pm?'...the started with the explaination....n i continued to my book after that...

errr...when i was on my way to the washing room, i walked to the janitor..hesitating what should i call her...then i voiced out..auntie..aha..to satisfy my 'kayponess' i asked 'Auntie, do u sweep everyday?' n she answered ' Yeaaa..of coz, not only sweep..i also hav to mop everyday...' 'all lecturer hall here?' 'including the small one, else..someone will go n complainted' i was wondering...so many halls in that building...n she needs to do that repeatly everyday...need meh?won't tired de meh?won't bored de meh?...n...got so many larp sarp meh?even got also those dust n hairs also ma...
aih...n we start chit-chatting..aha..she told me she has to use 2 n a hlf hour to walked home(this is the reason y i write this post)even the fastest also needed more than 2 hours...wow!wow!wow!can u imagine....one way...from usm to batu uban....2 n a half hours...n she spends 5 hours daily on the way to workplace n home...finished working at 6 but reached at 830...'those people...everytime complained complained but only pay me 500 ringgit' 'what??!!!500?'em...i couldn't imagine if i were being paid 500 ringgit...walked 5 hours...sweep n mopping floor everyday...n the work's rotating...oh my!!!how can it b...n NO WAY!!

Since we have so many hostel available, y dun just let them tumpang there?em...i hav no qualification in saying so...but..their welfare...should not b ignored...

'Thanks god for giving me strength, i still can work.', she said..
really ashamed to hear that.....

blurday

Went to my fren's birthday party few days ago..hmm..nono...last week..it was near swimming pool side at her bro's condominium...
a fren asked me at that time, whether have any idea for my 21st birthday..honestly..i never thought bout it..i told her, i dun hav birthday..
em..still left less than two month..what am i going to do on that day?NO IDEA...

《祝我生日快乐》
曲：周杰伦 | 词：郑中庸 | 编：林迈可

我知道伤心不能改变什么
那么让我诚实一点
诚实 难免有不能控制的宣泄
只有关上了门不必理谁

一个人坐在空荡的包厢里面
手机让它休息一夜
难.想切歌切掉回忆的画面
眼泪不能流过十二点

生日快乐 我对自己说
蜡烛点了 寂寞亮了
生日快乐 泪也融了
我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切

还爱你 带一点恨
还要时间 才能平衡
热恋伤痕 幻灭重生
祝我生日快乐

forever

Another post for today..inspired by my fren's status on facebook..
Appreciate whatever u have now..those are not necessary belong to u...u hav to know..
regret of the mistakes i did..neglected something that i should pay more concern on..
just feeling helpless when i can't make up..chances given to me..but i missed out..i deserve the pain...i'm no longer the reason for blissful n happiness to someone anymore..
4647782568

iNgRatE

i was borne in moderate family..as my parents can afford my needs since i was small..
financial problem knocked our door few years ago..but it doesn't affected much on me..n i learned to b more thrifty..
sometimes really feel like i'm being over protected by my mum, mayb i'm the youngest..n tat's y..she always gives me more than i need..in financial way..mayb to some of u..u may think tat it's good..but i dun like this kind of 'privileges'..
she's always forgive my mistakes..n even the big one..i used to told her all my secret since i was small..but now..i found no courages to tell her what're the things inside my mind..

First no-on post

Slept at 5am last night,later than that i think..that was 5 something when i was still awake..
n hence, i absent for today morning's breakfast appointment n' badminton..
em..what i did in the sleepless night?i read a diary, which not written by myself, but belongs to me.

Before that, i found a card inside a box which i keep all the letters, cards more...a cny card from a best fren...budak..aha..cute fren..who treats others sincere..n there's a photo sticker inside the card..since now i still can't recognised wch 1 is her as there're 3 person in that small sticker..n another sticker in japanese language,ermm...need to asked for her translation i think...

There're always contradictions..As when i was reading the diary, i kept thinking..is the person changing or the feeling's faded..it's like 2 totally different people, how terrible..but y it doesn't happened on me? emm...mayb i'm changing in other ways which i didn't realise..

Am i attached to materials?well...yea mayb...coz that's the only reason i utilitised myself..of coz it's from my ownself n not from others
until now..i still can't find my own goal..i should say that...set up a new goal for myself..lost myself for nearly a year...the regretness still following me..

let BYGONES be BYGONES

well...bought a new wallet, to replace the old 1 tat i used for bout more than 3 years..i was using it only for my cards n papers..
now only realised that it had been few years i never buy myself a wallet..there was always someone who cares bout those stuffs more than myself, but now, i need to bother bout that..

there's a hole in the top middle part of the wallet(for chain i think), n i was feeling like wanna put something on it...and so, it reminds me bout a chain from someone special..i was keeping that chain in pocket of sling bag years ago, without hanging it, but last few month..my mom helped me to wash it since i was placing it at the same place for a long time n she tot that i'm not going to use, she was thinking to give it to someone else i guess...that's her attitude...n...she took out all the things (including the chain)....*long gases*.....hmm...i'm just trying to say that i forgot where did i keep the chain...i spent bout more that an hour just now just bcoz of that little thing..that's not the matter, but it kept recall those time..the period which will never wash out from my memories unless i get amnesia..finally, i found it inside another bag.*sigh*..but now i'm hanging another one n keeping the one i mentioned in drawer..

it's almost a year..n in this period..i was trying to made myself adapt to new things, as busier as i can..but there're always chances for me to make myself fall deeper..n even now..the situation still remain..

i thought i already made it, i already dump all these memories, n i'm gonna started a new one..but i was being recalled by a fren, a best fren whom really interested in my relationship status..aha(the kay po one,yea..i'm talking bout u)..i was being asked for few times, 'who's the person?'..and i asked myself repeatly also..as i hope to answer her..and i really wished there would b another person rather than the one..but there's no alternative...

n..i received a link..haven't finished it yet,but bookmarked it..click here for a look..
hmm, if i'm not hiding it..is there someone else can help me out?my answer would be no...perhaps there's one..by clearing my memories?ermm..honestly..i met no trouble..it's just that i still can't let go as i am trying hard to..no one can help me seriously..er..i should say that i need no help..let bygones be bygones..it's tough enough..

PEOPLE

A man with only physical,he is nothing. zombie?
What bout' man with only mental?well mayb i should say...with only mind or spirit...perhaps not as so-called 'man' anymore...thinking for a suitable term....can it b 'soul'?...duh...nonsense la...

no idea on this post, but just gotta feeling to write something...well,mayb trying to escape from my larp sarp paper...again...i'm running away from reality, responsibility as well...

learning to changed my temperament...whenever there's the chance for indignation n sorrow, try using another expression...or keep my mouth shut(tat's the way i used to the most, as i always find no defence for myself...em...not even finding..urhuh)

well...treating other sincerely..therefore it's no secret hiding..well..mayb it can b used as a joke...or topic to others...who care? as i'm telling all truth...
i'm not regret of what i did,but if i were given a chance to turn back the time, i will not tell...less annoyance...less topic in other way...

complicated

sometimes...we need to pay more than enough for careless...by not only using those belong to our own, from other as well...
what u get from just now is just few seconds..but i need to pay for u!!!gosh!...stud,i paid hundreds for ur impatient!!!would u ever feel sorry to me? would u ever regret?well..that's not the point n..who cares?i want the compensation!!!coz of u!!i can't buy a new guitar for own utilitised !!#%$$&&*(@$@$%&!!!!!

well another one,can u pls walk away for a while..just a while pls..
else,just tell me what u want from me?
will u take it if i really give?will u really do?well..i'm not yet prepared..need time in finding courages..need time to make out...
or...am i thinking too much?but...i can't find way out..
alright..just stay still then...u may steps away but pls dun walk closer pls...


*a post from schizophrenic

大爱

well...i'm gonna start my post by using chinese..er..since i 'mastered' it few days ago...
又是心情沉重的一天。。。er，应该是半天。。。
今天发生了一些小意外在我朋友身上。。让我对她有更进一步的认识，深一层的佩服。。。
惊慌的时候，还可以面带笑容，只因怕影响朋友的心情。。。
能这样处理事情的人，说真的，我没遇过。。。又有多少人能做得到？
令我联想起燃烧自己，照亮别人的道理。。
不明的感觉跟着涌了上来。。是心疼？感激？还是愧疚？也许是3-in-1。。。
失去的未必不能再拥有。。
属于你的，愿能重返回归于你--无私奉献的人。。

a piece of cert

i'm a person who really like music alot...especially those days i hav the chance in playing different instrument n with those members..we were like using the way to release..n the feeling's so real......but now...feeling gone bad..
well..i need to explain...i'm still living in my own world of music with my own guitar...but i miss the chance..i gave out..as i really wonder...it's kind of relief or regret when i made the choice...n the reason brought me to the drop is actually coz i can't adapt to the situation..well...although there r still many more...but i do believe nothing can changed my mind if i really wished to join..i was working hard even i was not so willing in handing the post...but i really can't adapt to the way of u all acting..especially the way u all treat my fren who gave opinion sincerely..feel so sorry to her..since so...i quit..i told myself..i finished up my work..n i will not touch it anymore(it's kinda irresponsible i know,but i can't find way out at tat time)my feeling judged everything at that time...
yea...that's the fact that i'm not one of them anymore...n please...since the result is like this..dun ever give me anything wch i dun deserve...even it's a name on any booklet or a piece of cert...make me feel so guilty...i really do!

welcome moody

well..welcome...to u n myself...this' the 1st time blogging here...not only here...since i was born actually..yea..it sounds really sampat n 'out'..i really never blogged before....
'5 minutes later'..
nothing comes out..continued in my following post...complicated thinking n feeling...trying to send moody off...